FAIR's Rising Generation

Archive for September, 2009

The second installment in the Getting Confidence series.  This series is my attempt to help you learn things about confidence I’ve discovered.  View the series intro here.

When I worked in retail, a kid, probably 18, came in the store wearing some flashy “gangsta” clothes.  There’s nothing wrong with that in and of itself.  But what he did while in it made him look ridiculous.

He came up to me and said, “Wow it sure is hot out there.”  The store had no windows and I had been there since opening.  “Is it?”  “Yeah,” he said, “feel my arm.”  That was kind of weird, but trusting and sometimes unthinking as I am I reached out.  He quickly drew back his arm, looked worried and said, “wo, wo, wo, not while there’s people around.”  He then grinned to his friends, turned, and walked away.

I caught on pretty quick that he was setting me up to make it look like I was attracted to him.  Wow buddy.  You really got me.  Last time someone pulled that on me, I think I was thirteen.

A couple days later I was listening to the radio where the host called up a local business and asked if he left any “updawg” there.  The helpful lady on the other end tried to assure him he didn’t, and they didn’t have anything in the lost and found.  He kept persisting and she remained patient.  Finally he asked her, “Do you even know what updawg is?”  She said she didn’t, so he asked her if she was going to ask him what it is.  “What is it?”  “What is what?”  “What’s updawg?”  The host shouted back, “Nothing! What’s up with you dawg?”  With that he hung up, and I’m pretty sure he thought he was the man.  I, on the other hand, wasn’t convinced.

Neither of these guys had confidence.  Why?  Because they had to act like they did.   Well, that might not be entirely fair.  They were confident they could trick people.  They were confident their friends would appreciate rehashing jokes they learned in their pre-teen years.  They must have been confident they wouldn’t get into any trouble, because I doubt they would have done it if there was any backlash.

This series will not go over the confidence of manipulating others, how to have confidence in front of your friends, (like the kid dressed up like a gangster not because he liked the look primarily, but because he thought others would like him more as an imitation one) or even how to convince others you are confident.  The point is, if you know you are confident, others will know.

That’s what is behind the series name.  Instead of the more common phrase “gaining confidence,” this is, “getting confidence.”  Because by the end, you won’t be trying to prove to others you gained confidence, but you will be able to say to yourself you get it, or rather, “Yea, I got it.”

I found this while hanging out on Youtube and was thoroughly impressed. Scratch that. I was inspired. It’s so simple in its execution, yet deeply thought provoking. See if you aren’t convinced yourself.

Once again, I’ll keep my introduction short. For those who don’t know, this is the last of three posts I’ve dedicated to putting some meaning into the Young Women’s Theme. The first post can be found here and the second here. I’d suggest that you read those, but if you don’t that’s fine, this one will still make sense.

In my last post I talked about the first four values and this one will talk about the rest, and without any delay, here they are:

Choice and Accountability

I know our accountability is extremely important because Satan tries so hard to take it away from us. His goal from the beginning was to make us monotonous zombies who followed his will without question. He constantly sets up snares to make us feel set free, but they later imprison us. It’s so important to value and use your accountability and to make the right choices. I know I probably sound preachy, but for once I can’t find the right words to properly tell you how vital it is that we make the right choices. Ultimately it’s a choice between good (freedom and eternal happiness) and evil (imprisonment and endless torment).

One of my all time favorite scriptures is Moses 1: 13 “And it came to pass that Moses looked upon Satan and said… behold, I am a son of God… and where is thy glory that I should worship thee?”

I promise you that Satan has no glory.

Good Works

An important lesson I learned only a couple of months ago is that people won’t know you love them unless you show it. Whether your love is a general charitable spirit toward mankind or a love directed at one person, you have to show it or it won’t do any good. If one of your friends casually tells you that they love you (this happens a lot with girls, I apologize to any of the male readers) you’re not going to feel the love that strongly, even if they honestly mean it. However, if they visit you when you’re sick or help you rake the lawn when your parents pull one of those embarrassing things where they make you do chores while you have friends over, then you’d know they love you. If you love somebody enough that you’re willing to rake their lawn, then show them, because they wouldn’t know otherwise.

Integrity

Integrity is mostly just being a good person. It’s a very general value, and has to do with choice and accountability and good works and virtue. That being said, I don’t think there’s much to add to this that I haven’t already said, or am about to say, other than that people notice. There’s something about a person who helps the kid in the hall pick up their stuff after they’ve tripped (even if they’re going to be late for class) that inevitably makes you admire them. You may think they’re stupid for doing it, but it’s still admirable.

Virtue

This one is my personal favorites. Not that I value virtue especially; I just have a tendency to focus on things that most others don’t. A lot of groans were heard when our YW president announced that we might have to complete four more goals and another ten hour project given the likelihood that three more YW’s goals would be added sometime soon.

Shortly after the announcement we had Standards Night, and each Young Woman had to give a short talk on a value. (In case you were wondering, we have eight Young Women in our ward, so it worked out nicely). As you may be able to guess, I immediately offered to do my talk on virtue just because…, you know, I hate to see the new kid get picked last.

Theoretically, I should be an expert on virtue now, and that isn’t true. However, I can proudly (but of course, not too proudly) say that I know what it is, why it was made a value, and how it’s different from integrity. That’s better than any of the young women I’ve talked to about it, so I guess that almost makes me an expert by comparison.

So what’s virtue? I don’t see a need to say anything other than that it is to have a clean conscience. It is not to ignore your conscience or to lack one; it is to be sensitive and obedient to the Spirit when it tells you that you’re about to do (or are doing) something wrong. This requires that we strive toward and actually live a life that follows the standards of the Church.

Why was it made a value? In the words of Elaine S. Dalton “Never has there been a time in the history of the world when virtue is more needed”.

Everywhere you go these days you see girls who say and do things, and put up with things done and said to them, that wouldn’t even be dreamed of in a world that didn’t lack virtue. There is no doubt in my mind that a virtuous woman (or man) will be noticed and influential.

How is it different from integrity? Integrity is being a good person while virtue goes beyond that. Somebody could be a complete jerk to everybody around them, drink themselves blind every Friday night and drop the F-bomb left right and centre, but if you proposed that they dine and dash and they say no, you could say they have integrity. Virtue, on the other hand, is something such a person clearly lacks.

If you want to know more about virtue and why it was made a value then you should read “Cherish Virtue” by Elaine S. Dalton. It’s short ‘n’ sweet, so you probably don’t have a good enough excuse not to read it.

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I hope that now you’re at least somewhat closer to understanding that the values and the Theme aren’t as meaningless and repetitive as most of us think they are. Integrity and virtue aren’t the same thing and neither are divine nature and individual worth. I know that every aspect of the theme and every value was put into the YW program for a reason. They didn’t add virtue just for the heck of making us work harder. The Church and YW Presidencies know (at least to a certain degree) how busy most of us are, and they wouldn’t have added virtue unless it was important.  They wouldn’t have bothered with any of the values unless they were important. If you think they “just don’t understand” you’re wrong; it’s their job to understand, and if they weren’t good at it, they wouldn’t be in the callings they are today.

Like many things, the YW Theme has as much meaning as you give it. If the Theme is just something you chant every Sunday, then of course you’re going to think it’s repetitive and meaningless. However, if you bother to think about it, you’ll find that it isn’t just some colorless chant. You can always find meaning in something, especially the YW Theme.

I’ve put some color and depth into this aspect of the Church, and I strongly encourage any Young Women out there who find the Theme as vague and repetitive as I used to to put some meaning into this chant for themselves.

Like a dream, I remember being at a funeral. Six years ago, I had five living grandparents. Today I have none. They all died within such a short period of time that I’m not even sure whose service I’m thinking of.

The speaker, my old bishop and seminary teacher, said something that may or may not sound familiar to you: Before he began, he noted that he felt inspired to state he believed his talk was meant for someone specific in the congregation. He didn’t know who it was, but he was confident some anonymous person in the pews had a question (not just any question, but one born of crisis), and he believed he had the answer. That’s probably one of the few things I remember about the entire day.

Before I continue, let’s face it. We humans can barely see beyond our own noses. Helping those in need, and helping them in the right way, means turning to our Heavenly Father for direction. Because of the Holy Ghost, the Speaker knew there was somebody in need, and he knew how to attend to that need.

Is what is true for a congregation also true for a blog? Can the words you send into the World Wide Web make a difference, perhaps to that one individual, possibly living thousands of miles away? Can your words resonate with a turbulent soul that is questioning, evaluating, struggling, and growing?

As I’ve endeavored to contribute regular posts to Rising Generation’s blog, I’ve often felt like a captive in a dark room surrounded by thick, sound-proof walls on each side. Like my former bishop and seminary teacher, I’ll never really know if my message truly connected with anyone–one can only hope. After all, what are the chances that the one who needed your words the most actually stumbled upon them?

The only pinhole of light comes in the form of a heartfelt comment left by a dear stranger before rushing off. But even then, you never know what impact you might have until long after your stream of consciousness has been cemented and immortalized in cyberspace.

So how do you reach out through those concrete walls and touch the hearts and minds of those on the other side?

Suppose only one person ever saw your post light up his or her computer screen. Who is this person? Is he a boy, a girl, a man, a woman? How old is he or she? Where have they been, and where are they headed on their journey? What have they been through, and what might he or she have to teach you?

Like I said, you never know what kind of effect you might have; for better or worse, everyone leaves a mark before his or her final exit. Today, this sentiment includes parallel virtual universes no less.

My thoughts into yours: Know your reader. Give him or her a face. Visualize the gentle creases of their smile, and the shifting weight of their eyelids. Believe in him or her, hope for them. Who is this person? Call out to them, and pray that the Holy Ghost transmits your voice into their channel.

This post can be accurately described as a response to a pair of earlier posts by Christi Bialik. I was responding to her insights on the Young Women Theme, and I realized that I had written enough for a short post. Please take a look at her posts first…

Let’s Put Some Meaning Into This Chant Part 1
Let’s Put Some Meaning Into This Chant Part 2
Let’s Put Some Meaning Into This Chant Part 3

The young men in my Priest’s Quorum recite the “Purposes of the Aaronic Priesthood” so they may commit these very important responsibilities to memory. It’s a list of expectations for every young man who is an Aaronic priesthood-holder. The final responsibility on the list is to “Give proper respect to women, girls, and children.” God has charged us to be respectful towards the young women, and thus I strive to do so. To me this is a modern day call to embrace the centuries-old practice of chivalry. Knights of old vowed to protect and honor women. But why? What’s so special about young women that even God himself would tell me to respect them?

Ya know, there is an unmistakable radiance about the young women of the LDS church that young men find irresistable–even those young men what are not members of the Church. I’m bettin’ that glow we see is a reflection of the glory and goodness of Jesus Christ himself. As a young woman who is practicing the YW Values, you’re inheriting His countenance upon you. You will never go unnoticed, remember that, smile, and keep on.

While I was reading Christi’s summaries of the first four values, a definite connection stood out in my mind between them.

This connection is also true for the young men. A yw’s journey starts with a “seed of FAITH” which will lead her to a KNOWLEDGE of her DIVINE NATURE. Once a young woman knows that she is a daughter of God, she will come to understand how very important her role on Earth really is, i.e., her INDIVIDUAL WORTH.

I won’t pretend to understand women, but I’m beginning to comprehend more fully my role as a young man to honor and defend them.