FAIR's Rising Generation

Archive for August 25th, 2009

The Scriptures read, *ahem*

“Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which The Lord thy God giveth thee” (Exodus 20:12).

But guess what? Some parents aren’t very adept when it comes to the whole “raising kids” thing. So how does one honor parents who are themselves dishonorable?

Everybody knows a bad parent, whether it’s yours, a friend’s, or if you’re one of our older readers (ie, the ‘Declining Generation’), …erm…it could be you! These include selfish parents, neglectful parents, authoritarian parents, permissive parents, jealous parents, abusive parents, disabling parents, manipulative parents, etc. In many cases, a lousy parent is no more grown-up than his or her teenage child.

Some youth might say the Commandment to “honor thy Father and thy Mother” is completely unfair because their parents are thoroughly undeserving; they’d rather scream their parents’ sins from the rooftops. However, the Commandment to honor one’s father and mother is even MORE crucial for children of less-than-ideal parents. Yep, you heard right.

When teens rebel, it can be for a number of reasons. For one, it may simply have to do with their innate disposition (think Laman and Lemuel). Then again, it can’t always be ‘cuz the kid’s pure evil (sorry, mom and dad). Rebellion may also be a deliberate attempt to openly and publicly dishonor parents who have failed as caregivers and mentors.

There is healthy rebellion and unhealthy rebellion. Healthy rebellion means rejecting the incorrect notions and practices of the past by laying foundations for something better. Youth have a job to do–to expose error and injustice within the status quo. This is also a responsibility belonging to the Aaronic Priesthood:

“The duties of a Deacon are to warn, expound, exhort, and teach [members of the Church]” (D&C 20:59).

Fascinating!

On the other hand, unhealthy rebellion is self-destructive. Drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, sex–we all know the risks associated with each of these by now. But this is the kick in the pants! To rebel in this self-abortive manner is what everyone expects! and you’ll do more harm to yourself than you possibly could to anybody else. “That your days may be long upon the land” takes on a new depth of meaning here, and it is important to choose carefully which path of rebellion you’ll take.

With that in mind, the best way to rebel against dishonorable parents is to discard the emotional baggage of the past and succeed despite the odds, to surprise the naysayers and scoffers by carving out a happy, rewarding, successful, and fulfilling life. And no, it isn’t about impressing others. It’s about your life and taking control of it.

So how does one go about succeeding despite their parents’ mistakes? One may think it takes a very gifted person–one of Heidi’s awesome people perhaps–but the gifts are freely available to all who seek them. God is also our parent, the ideal parent, and if you turn to him, he will pick up the slack.

“Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me” (Isaiah 49:15).

Note: Compliments to Erik–our esteemed President and likely poet of Deutero-Isaiah–for finding that one.

But seriously, if you submit to your Father in Heaven, he will, like a tender and long-suffering parent, quicken you, nurture you, and teach you sufficient for your needs. God is kind and merciful and forever patient towards those who covenant to be his children. This is my witness to you.

But remember, be charitable towards your parents! Forgive them of their shortcomings. Many of them fail despite their best efforts, and although they may have injured you during that most vulnerable and critical period, part of being a teenager is recognizing that your parents are flawed, scarred, and daily struggling with their own imperfections. Appreciate the obstacles they face, and remember that even bad parents often hope their children will grow up to be better than they are. Learn from their mistakes, and rise above your own upbringing–because it becomes your responsibility to correct the mistakes of the past and make sure they are never repeated and passed on. The time will come when only you can stop the cycle.