FAIR's Rising Generation

Archive for July, 2009

My mission had a lot of adventures.   The things I did, the stuff I ate,  and the people I saved were all adventurful.   And when I say saved, I don’t mean in just the spiritual sense.

One afternoon, my companion and began to walk across a wide, crowded intersection which flooded with people after the signal to cross came on.  Like nearly all streets in Australia, the road had little reflectors drilled into it which helped cars with lights on know where the middle of the road is.  As we walked, a little old lady kicked one with her shoe and came tumbling forward into my arms.  In a split second, I braced myself so we wouldn’t fall.  After the initial shock, she stood straight and we crossed the street together.  She gave me a kiss on the cheek and thanked me for saving her, which the large audience around us recognized with lots of smiles.

The fact that I was right there at the right moment was nothing short of providence.  If she hit the pavement, she could have broke something.  So yeah, I was a hero — that is, until I told my family the other night.

After pointing out how good I was my brother asked, “Wait a second, you were moving in a straight line, the lady tripped in a straight line and you caught her?”  “Yes,” I said proudly.  He put a disgusted look on his face, “What were you doing, playing chicken with the poor old lady?”

After a few other comments, I wasn’t the hero anymore.  I probably scared the lady by coming directly at her and she tripped in a panic.  I was about to defend myself, but the heroic moment was over, and it would have done no good.

Fortunately mocking each other is a recognized pastime in my family.  I knew my family believed me, but no one was about to let me think I am the Mormon missionary version of Superman.   It turns out that getting ourselves worked up about how good we are is not a healthy way to go through life.  We should recognize our achievements and be willing to show our talents, but ultimately, as GK Chesterton noted, “Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.”  I know I’m a hero.  I just try not to get worked up over the idea.

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FRG needs more writers, regardless of age, who are interested in writing a guest post for us, so if you have a message to share you may submit a sample of your words to us via our web form at http://youth.fairlds.org/contact.php.  Chances are good that we’ll like what you have to say and set you up as a guest blogger on our site.

The idea behind Free the Children is that of “children helping children”, which was inspired by the age of its founder. Craig Kielburger was only 12 when he decided that less fortunate children needed help. Some critics said he was too young to tackle such “adult” issues such as poverty and exploitation. His attitude, however, was that if children in other parts of the world are facing these issues personally, then more fortunate young people should be able to help them.

Since then, the organisation has provided education for children, taught sustainable income methods to countless families, and empowered youth in North America to help others.

The attitude Craig was up against was that people, especially youth, are powerless to change the world for the better. However, he started the organisation when he was only 12 and over half of the come through youth! Craig has even been named a member of the prestigious Order of Canada, the high civilian honour for Canadian humanitarians.

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FRG needs more writers, regardless of age, who are interested in writing a guest post for us, so if you have a message to share you may submit a sample of your words to us via our web form at http://youth.fairlds.org/contact.php.  Chances are good that we’ll like what you have to say and set you up as a guest blogger on our site.

That line is a bit I picked up when I recently rediscovered one of my favorite television series called Animaniacs. The show was written by Steven Spielberg and the plots are absolutely bizarre, but had me and my brothers laughing for thirty minutes every Saturday morning.  I watched it again at my brother’s house, but was disappointed to find that it really wasn’t as funny as I remembered it, however it reminded me of all the fun we used to have together as really young kids.  My elder brothers and sisters had a huge impact on my life and it definitely all for the better.  I owe an awful lot of people for giving me the confidence and satisfaction in life that I have today.  To all of you with siblings out there, take advantage of the time you have left with them to become closer to them because they can become the best kind of friends; treat them well and they will be there for you for the rest of your life!

Let me add a note about Rising Generation: this blog is only one of several projects we are currently working on.  Other FRG projects include YouTube videos, articles to help prepare young men for missions–many of which will also help prepare sister missionaries–, articles to help you deal with difficulties you may face at church like how to help a friend who is considering leaving the church, and we are working to support the community of LDS youth who want better places to hang out online with other members of their church.  This is not to say that we only support LDS youth, however they are our focus and we will do what we can to strengthen and fortify their testimonies.  If you share our passion for helping the youth, write us an email or comment on my blog post or in some way let us know that you want to help out.  You might be the next person to post on our blog.

I will affirm that I love our savior, Jesus Christ!  I love His gospel and firmly believe that it to be taught in its fullness by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I affirm that He cares about each of us and our needs; pray to Him and he will hear and answer your prayers.  In Jesus’ name, amen.

Thank you for reading our blog.  Please have an uber awesome day!

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FRG needs more writers, regardless of age, who are interested in writing a guest post for us, so if you have a message to share you may submit a sample of your words to us via our web form at http://youth.fairlds.org/contact.php.  Chances are good that we’ll like what you have to say and set you up as a guest blogger on our site.

I’ve been looking at Grant Hardy’s Book of Mormon: A Reader’s Edition and thinking I’m about ready to make a purchase. That said, I never buy a book without spending some time on Amazon first; I always take a look at the user reviews and “related items” before making a decision.

Upon reading some reviews for Grant Hardy’s re-do, I was quite annoyed at first. Most of the reviews only wanted to discuss the Book of Mormon in general, focusing mostly on its alleged historicity. In fact, the majority offered no direct insights on Grant Hardy’s work. There was plenty of mudslinging going on (no surprise there) among over-zealous Mormons, disgrunted Ex-Mormons, and rabid anti-Mormons, so reading the reviews almost seemed like a waste of time. They appeared to say one variation or another of the same thing: The Book of Mormon was long-winded, repetitive, poorly written, and *gasp* shallow.

I used to watch Inspector Gadget as a kid. Now that was shallow!…kinda. Well, not really; I never really outgrew it. Rather, I’ve come to appreciate its genius even more over the years. Its always the same thing every episode: Gadget gets a message from Quimby detailing his next case. He reads it aloud, invariably concluding with “This message will self-destruct.” The letter always explodes, usually right in Quimby’s face, but it’s never very serious, because don’t you see? People aren’t allowed to die in Inspector Gadget. That would change things up too much. Doctor Claw’s goons are always incompetent. Gagdet always bumbles through the case while Penny saves the day, and Brain always assists by donning some kind costume to disguise himself and thwart the bad guys. Doctor Claw always escapes, declaring “I’ll get you next time, Gadget,” but he never does. That is, his schemes never succeed, but he never gets caught either.

Inspector Gadget was brilliant satire–the most blatantly accurate depiction of the human condition I can think of. It was the perfect comedy–and perfectly tragic. The entire show was trapped in a cycle that refused to deviate from its path. If humans hadn’t been endowed with a sense of humor, watching the show would have made us cry out in desperation.

This is the difference between what the Book of Mormon is or can be to us and what Inspector Gadget has to say about the world we live in.

The Book of Mormon Illustrates what is commonly termed the “Pride Cycle.” The pride cycle, without referring to a cheat Sheet, goes thusly: The Nephites are blessed by God with material prosperity because of their righteousness. That prosperity proves to be a double edged sword, because it also makes the Nephites forget God and stumble. Humility often follows a period of degeneration, and pride often follows a period of regeneration. Sadly, the Nephites seldom ever get it right, and when they finally do in Fourth Nephi, it immediately precedes the virtual annihilation of their civilization.

The “Pride Cycle” is a unique term, known only within Mormonism. If modern society has such pride cycles, they are subtle enough to be, by and large, unidentifiable in the short term, but we are nonetheless beset by cycles of all kinds, and they follow a similar pattern.

Consider the cyclical nature of addictions. Quitting smoking seldom happens overnight–breaking the cycle usually requires a number of false starts and and a lot of time and willpower. Also, People with mood disorders have good days and bad days, and the trends are easy enough to predict well in advance. These are extreme examples, but we all have to contend with cycles that keep us in one place while giving us the impression that we are moving forward. Even the economy is caught in a cycle of boom and bust, and the experts themselves disagree on how to properly manage it.

We need to identify the cycles in our lives. They need to be managed, mitigated, and mastered, and while “pride cycles” aren’t really social problems per se, they are something that constantly upset our personal lives and relationships.

The Book of Mormon teaches us much about pride cycles and cycles in general (oddly similar to Buddhism and especially its predessesor, Hinduism). If you think the book is boring, clunky, and insubstantial, look deeper! What people fail to recognize–from apologists to critics to critics posing as apologists–is that the Book of Mormon is as deep as it is long. Yes, its plain enough for a child to read and understand, but that’s only the first layer.

Just think about all that the Book of Mormon endeavors and succeeds at, and don’t ignore the fact that it is unlike anything you’ve ever read before. It covers a vast array of literary genres yet still remains thematically consistent. Joseph, the “Religious genius,” doesn’t cut it.

In short, the Book is out of this world, or more appropriately, not of this world. It speaks of telestial cycles but is not beset by them; it is a sealed book–foreign nonsense–until you submit to reading it with an open mind and heart, and under the direction of the Holy Ghost.

This book packs a lot into its pages. For example, the Book is both apocalyptic and testamentary. Its accounts span from real to surreal. It teaches us social law, then proceeds to explain the why’s and how’s of it. Its devotional, mythological, and philosophical. It teaches and prophesies about Christ, laying out the atonement in comprehensible terms without dumbing things down. The list goes on, and you’ll often see the Book of Mormon fulfilling all these roles simultaneously on each page. If the book seems oddly written, its because its deceptively complex, and if you’re an adult reading it like a child (for lack of reverence), then it may seem downright absurd. If its historicity is in doubt, its because it is so much more than a history.

While some will dismiss it as foolish, others will read it daily from six to eighty-six years of age and still uncover hidden gems throughout its pages. The Book of Mormon expands in all directions. As the reader grows in wisdom and goodness, the book grows as well, and no book does it quite like the Book of Mormon. It truly is phenomenal–without precedent or parallel.

It guides you from beginning to end. At the conclusion of your mortal journey, you may reflect that the Book you ended up with doesn’t seem like the same one you started out with, but as you planted and nourished the seed of faith, the Book was always exactly what you needed when you needed it. It truly is the book that will help you overcome the world.

Many critics will tell you, “If you want to know what Mormons really believe, don’t read the Book of Mormon.” I wholeheartedly disagree! Not only does the Book of Mormon contain all that we do now believe, it contains all that we will yet believe, because even as a Church, we have not uncovered all its treasures.

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FRG needs more writers, regardless of age, who are interested in writing a guest post for us, so if you have a message to share you may submit a sample of your words to us via our web form at http://youth.fairlds.org/contact.php.  Chances are good that we’ll like what you have to say and set you up as a guest blogger on our site.

There seems to be an eternal conflict between youth and parents.

Youth want freedom. They want to be able to make their own decisions,  pursue their own interests, be their own person! They want to break away from the limiting constraints of parental rules and be seen as equals, with full rights of self determination. They may not know it, but they want to join the ranks of adults without being tagged by the negative connotations this has for their peer groups.

Parents are protective. They love their children and feel responsible and under fire. They see their children in a dangerous world, and witness difficulties some face with a determination that “this will not happen on my watch”. Consequently they often grudgingly give freedom to their children.

The result is that youth feel they need to take that freedom. Frustrated by their own confidence and abilities being constrained by their parents worries, they begin to make their own decisions without permission. Many parents see this and cry “rebellion” seeing this behavior as an act of defiance and not a cry for acceptance. Their own fears of something bad happening “on their watch” increases, and they clamp down even more. This heightens the frustration of our youth, and the cycle deepens and the divide grows wider. Unfortunately, it often ends in a “not in my home” discussion where the youth leaves as the parent kicks them out.

How does this happen? How do we bridge the divide and accomplish what we all want – young adults with the ability to make good choices on their own, and freedom to make those good choices! Do youth really want to be left in the cold and dreary world without supportive help? Do parents want to push their children into the world without the ability to navigate its hazards?

FOR PARENTS – Youth take note!

A Muslim co-worker shared with me a perspective he learned from his faith tradition that seems to have merit to this discussion. He said his tradition teaches that for the first 7 years of a child’s life, the parents are servants. For the next 7 years, they are a mentor. After that, they must be a friend. It reflects a deliberate transition from one who serves, teaches, then supports the child. It nowhere makes the parent a “guardian” in the sense of one who sits on the wall and guards the prisoners inside. Rather, it makes the parent one whose entire aim is to invite the child into the community of adults, and to do so at an early age (about age 14).

Most societies have what is known as the “right of passage”. It is an event or accomplishment that can be identified by the community at large as a sign that the boy has passed on to become a man, or the girl has become a woman. It is the event that universally symbolizes the adoption of responsibility and accountability. It is usually celebrated in someway by the community, and marks the point in which the adults welcome the individual into their community.

For example, Jews have the Bar Mitzvah for boys and the Bat Mitzvah for girls and these celebrations Mark the transition to adulthood. In Panama, the Kuna Indian girls get a tattoo down their nose when they first menstruate, and are no longer considered a girl. Each society generally has such events, and they serve to let parents shift from being a guardian above to being someone with an arm around the shoulder, helping the youth succeed.

These types of events are absent from much of our culture. There is no “single” event that we point to early in the life of a teenager to indicate it is time for the behavior and attitude of adults to change and for youth to step up responsibly and join the community of adults. Youth can drive at 16, vote at 18, drink legally at 21. They are held in a lesser psychological position for a long time. In the LDS Church, young men get the priesthood at 12, but it is graduated by degrees until at 19 they serve a mission. This is often a large turning point for the community perception of the returning missionary, but they are often still seen as “young adults”. This can be perceived by some as a type of purgatory, where they are neither youth nor full adults. It is sometimes not until they are married that this stigma goes away. For our young women, there is nothing substantive to indicate they are “adults” until they are married.

Because our community does not provide a more definitive symbolic turning point except marriage or missions for when we change our perception and treatment of our youth, parents need to be more deliberate in their efforts to help them transition into adult peers by changing how they react to their children at an earlier age. Terms that worked when the children were younger like “because I said so” need to go by the wayside. It is a term used to shorten a discussion not deepen understanding. It is a “might makes right” position and reinforces a division. Rather, we need to sit beside them, not in front of them, and begin by listening. We need to talk through options, decisions, and consequences. We need to remove the air of compulsion, and leave the youth feeling that they will be supported in all their right decisions, and accountable for their wrong ones. We need to start letting the natural consequences be the sting, not our reactions.

This is an important but often difficult transition for parents. As you will discover, youth will start making their own decisions, if only to prove that they can! You will not stop it. You cannot control it. You can fight it and end up like I describe above, or you can recognize it and preserve your influence. You can make symbolic but real gestures to your children that indicate your trust in them. For me, I let my boys drive my new truck WITHOUT ME IN IT around a duck club I owned when they were 9 and 12 respectively. They bragged about it for weeks, and I am sure had them think of me a bit differently. As teenagers, we let our children go places with cousins or friends without us, often as overnight or week long excursions. Obviously adults were around, but they flew on their own, had their own pocket money, and a sense of freedom.

We involve our children in financial decisions, such as buying a car, or deciding on a vacation. We inform them of our financial situations, and even have them help us sort and pay the bills! We have them join us when doing adult things, like helping someone who is sick, or going to fix a friend’s car. We involve them in significant events, and use these to help us transition in our relationships. When tragedy strikes or someone we know struggles, we involve them in the conversation. When I am frustrated at work, I share my situation with my children, asking them for advice. The result is that our children do not see us as guardians on the wall, but people they want to become. We are not the enemy, we are the goal! They come to us when something happens that demands a moral decision. For example my 13 year old son found beer at an activity with non-members, and he came to me asking what he should have done. Could I ask for a better opportunity to keep him on the right path? My first words were “I don’t know. What do you think?” I listened. This let me know where he was, and as a mentor, I could give him advice on how to adjust his thinking.

The risk parents take during this trans-formative period is that they either push their children away to the point they have no influence, or they let their children fall on their own faces. The fact is, either way they will eventually fall, as that is how they gain experience which leads to wisdom. The difference is that in one circumstance there will be a relationship of trust that will let the youth turn to parents for help. In the other, they will hide their mistakes and persist in their independence if only to make a point. As my father once advised me, “The hardest thing you will ever do as a parent is watch your children fall down, knowing it is going to happen”. It isn’t easy, but it is necessary.

So parents, listen, advise, support, and warn. But please, don’t be the wedge between you and a child that wants your acceptance. Maintain your influence by decidedly letting go of your control. It may feel unnatural, but it is necessary!

In my next blog post, I will discuss how youth can play an active role in their own transition in a way that speeds their independence and increases their success in life.

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FRG needs more writers, regardless of age, who are interested in writing a guest post for us, so if you have a message to share you may submit a sample of your words to us via our web form at http://youth.fairlds.org/contact.php.  Chances are good that we’ll like what you have to say and set you up as a guest blogger on our site.