Spare Yourself the Despair: When Life Kicks You in the Pants
October 3rd, 2009 | 
Author: Welcome to Frank’s take on despair.This post will deal with despair as rationalized sadness, or how to deal with it when life kicks you in the pants!
What you have to remember about this is that despair is not a sin. Let me repeat that: Rationalized sadness which you won’t let go of is not a sin. It is, however, a tool which Satan uses to try to get us to sin.
What do I mean when I say rationalized sadness? Rationalized sadness means something bad happens, your girlfriend/boyfriend dumps you, your parents kick you out, or you get a failing grade on your math test, and you become sad. This is normal. The problem comes when Satan gets into your head and starts telling you how horrible and unfair this is, how you’ll never get over it, that this is the end of your life etc., etc. Pretty soon he’s got you brooding all on your own, and now we have a problem.
I remember well what happened to my best friend when his girlfriend dumped him. He fell into despair of the kind I have just mentioned; for a good month or two he was somewhat despondent. He became disrespectful towards his parents (note that now he is sinning), roamed the town at all hours of the night, and couldn’t find anything that would comfort him. He did not and does not have the gospel or any kind of faith in Christ. When he came out of it, he did it with his own strength and the love of his friends. In between, there were problems with proscription drug abuse, talk of mental disorders, and general mayhem–all in an effort to find some relief from despair.
For those of us who have faith in Christ, there is a simple reassurance. “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). It is the power and the love of our Savior which can keep us going, keep us joyful–even through trials. There is no reason to listen to the jeering of the adversary at these times, as enticing as despair might seem. There is every reason to go on our knees and pray to our Redeemer for strength and good cheer. He will answer, because he loves us. “Pray always, that you may come off conqueror; yea, that you may conquer Satan, and that you may escape the hands of the servants of Satan that do uphold his work” (D&C 10:5).
Elder Marvin J Ashton said, “Good cheer is a state of mind or mood that promotes happiness or joy…With God’s help, good cheer permits us to rise above the depressing present or difficult circumstances. It is a process of positive reassurance and reinforcement. It is sunshine when clouds block the light.” It is this power of good cheer, which overcomes difficult circumstance and even normal feelings of sadness. Later in his talk Elder Ashton quotes a woman who had lost her husband as saying “My heart is heavy and sad, but my soul is of good cheer.”
We can be sad, even sorrowful; such is the nature of life. However our loving Heavenly Father has promised that we never need to be alone. His spirit will always be with us and will fill us with the good cheer Elder Ashton spoke of if we let it. When we are full of the Spirit and good cheer Satan can try all he wants, he can rail against us with fire and with storm, but he will not succeed in moving us one inch.
To anyone experiencing despair right now, I testify from personal experience that you are not alone. Many of us fall into this trap at times–as I myself am prone to do. Your friends and family will open their arms and go to great lengths to help and heal you if you, but let them know. I’ve seen it happen many times. Most importantly though, Jesus Christ, your Savior, loves you, and knows exactly what you’re feeling. Even if no one else is there to help and comfort you, I promise that if you just get on your knees and pray to him, he will comfort and bless you in ways no one else could–ways I can’t even describe.
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Tags: ashton, cheer, depression, despair, drug abuse, faith, hope, Jesus Christ, obedience, parents, satan, savior, sorrow, the adversary
Looking back on my life, it was in those periods of despair that I was given the most inspiration. One thing I think I’ve learned, however, is that you have to ask for help when you need it, so I agree with the final remarks of your post.
I used to be the sort of person who really cared what others thought of me. I felt like I was trying to perform for them all the time, but I just didn’t have the energy to keep it up, so crushing feelings of despair would creep in.
That may sound petty, but I prayed long and hard about it, and eventually received the strength to change my outlook.
I finally started being the kind of person I wanted to be, rather than what I thought others wanted. If I didn’t have any friends to hang out with, I had fun on my own. It was an incredibly liberating experience.
It was one of the most enduring periods of spiritual gigantism (hehe) of my life. I didn’t have to work on making friends anymore, people just gravitated towards me (despite losing a bunch of poundage, lol). Before long I finally had my first girlfriend, which for me–given that I exude a rather impersonal vibe–was a big accomplishment.
This was a decision I made to overcome my despair, but it was God who gave me the strength to do it. I could not have done it alone.
One thing God does not meddle with is our agency, but when we make the choice to do something, and have a mind single towards that purpose, he gives us the strength to follow through with our decisions.