Getting Confidence Part 1 – Introduction

Welcome to FRG’s newest blog mini-series!  Over the next few weeks, I’m going to post several blog articles on a Gospel topic that receives maybe a little less than adequate attention in Sunday school.  But it’s a big deal in our quest to obtaining salvation, and surviving in the world in general.  The topic, as the title suggests, is confidence and getting it.  Here’s the series intro; a little about why I am writing this:

When I stepped on the Middle School scene, I remember someone talking about me; describing me as shy.  I found that absurd.  I wasn’t shy, I just never wanted to talk to anyone new.  To me, there was a difference.  Making new friends meant making commitments.  That meant work.  In other words, being outgoing was a chore.

As I got a little older I saw the non-member friends I had drift farther and farther away from me.  They were going down one road, and I another.  I heard rumors of parties, alcohol, and things worse.  Well that ended that.  I had no desire to be around that kind of environment and stood looking only inward on my already established group of friends.  Again, to me it was not a matter of being shy, but being wise.

As time wore on I met a girl, not a member of the Church, who asked me out on a date.  All that I knew about her was that she wasn’t the shining beacon of moral purity.  As gracefully as an awkward teenager could, I turned her down and she gave up.  When I got to high school, I met other girls attracted to my personality that I did not want to date — despite themselves making it painfully obvious that they were available.  Again, their good intentions were questionable, and I didn’t want to go on a date with someone I had to convince to keep moral (granted a couple dates could have been safe, but I wasn’t excited about confrontation).

What I know now about these events was I probably did the right thing for the wrong reason.  The right thing was not putting myself in a dangerous position with these girls.  I won’t go into the details in a small blog post, but looking back, I made the right choice.  I know that.  What I did wrong was that I made those decisions based on fear (it turns out, shy was a pretty good descriptor).  I was afraid of confrontation.  I was afraid that I may be too weak when it really mattered.   And I guess I found my standards a little embarrassing, because I was afraid of getting into an embarrassing situation.

Fear, however, is not one of the Gospel virtues.  If we are going to fulfill our commitment to be the “light of the world” (Matthew 5:16) we have to be confident in ourselves.  Confident that we’ll make good choices; confident that we know what are the right choices.   Timid lights, after all, don’t get seen.  Confidence takes courage, but it takes a lot of other qualities as well — humility, love, patience, wisdom (all of which will be covered in this series), etc.

When I think of the great people in the scriptures — Moroni, Deborah (she’s in the Old Testament), Ammon, and Teancum — I think of how confident they were knowing that they were doing the right thing and how that made them who they were.  I’m not them, but I’ve definitely learned a few things since my awkward teenage years with a cracking voice, acne, and yes, shy personality.  In this series, I’m going to share what I’ve learned with you.

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9 Responses to “Getting Confidence Part 1 – Introduction”

  • I think those middle school years were the toughest for me and for a lot of kids. It took some pretty heavy changes to get me out of my routine of self-pity and depression.

    I look forward to reading more about this, David.

  • Noah:

    “When I got to high school, I met other girls attracted to my personality that I did not want to date”

    So humble…

    “despite themselves making it painfully obvious that they were available.”

    …yet so vain.

  • David Ferguson:

    But confident.

  • Kyler:

    I had a similar problem, except it had more to do with me being completely ignorant that girls could like me, and refusing to interpret romantic advances as such. These girls would have and did get more confident men into a great deal of trouble. I realize you’re talking about a different kind of confidence, but still, thank heavens God made me the ignorant non-confident goober I was.

  • Kyler brings up a good point, are there different kinds of confidence?

  • Noah:

    Lol. Thanks a lot for commenting, Kyler. Hope to see you here in the future. Thanks again.

  • David Ferguson:

    Erik,

    I wouldn’t so much say there are different kinds of confidence, but there are confidence in different kinds of things. As a side note, there are, however, different kinds of false confidence which will be in my next post.

    But what Kyler is referring to about these “confident” guys getting into trouble with these girls is overconfidence which is a counterfeit (unless they wanted the trouble from the very beginning, which is matter of conversion not confidence).

    I’ll go over this in more detail in a future post, but imagine a guy who is confident he won’t have sex with his girlfriend. He just knows he’s that good of a guy.

    One night he invites her over when no one else is there. They go into the bedroom and are a little more revealing to each other than normal. Next thing they know, they didn’t know how it happened (or so it often is retold). He was sure that he would never do such a thing.

    Point is, that guy did about everything wrong to avoid the situation, and hoped that some fragment of will power would be strong enough when both of their passions were running high. Unfortunately, there is nothing smart about that, and by ignoring the warning signs he demonstrated his overconfidence, or rather, his arrogance. Real confidence takes awareness, and a humble understanding of one’s limits.

  • Ok so the trick is to be confident without being overconfident. That seems like sound wisdom.

  • David Ferguson:

    Yup, that’s just it. There is definitely a difference, which can be defined. And in fact it will be defined very soon . . .

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