what do you need?
March 17th, 2010 | 
Author: Hi there,
FAIR’s Rising Generation is filled with volunteers who want to answer YOUR questions. If you have a desire to learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or if you just have a question that relates, then we would love to help you find the answer. We have the resources and the connections to answer even the really tough scholarly stuff if that’s what’s got you confused. However, most of us don’t have a problem with that kind of stuff; it turns out that our deepest questions are the ones we don’t usually ask because we’re scared that people will react badly to them. We will not react badly however. If you’re struggling with such a question, any question, please ask it! All we ask is that you keep your language clean and polite.
All questions will receive a decent and heart-felt response, that is the FRG Promise!
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Okay, here’s something that may not be exactly what this website is all about, but it’s got to be valuable advice for teens someday, and I could use the valuable advice OF a teen now! I guess I’m not a *young* adult, but I’m not exactly an *old* one either.
Anyway…
When we are teenagers, it feels like we will never forget how that felt, and we swear we will understand our kids better than our parents did. I feel that I DO, in most instances, feel empathy for my children in the circumstances they encounter, but I’ve also learned SO MUCH in the 30 years I’ve been alive, and have the benefit of seeing things through the lens of experience. The downside to that is that I see things differently now than I did when I was young. I also don’t encounter the same issues my kids do; well, they are basically the same issues, but seem more intensified as the generations go by! (And mine aren’t even to the teenage years yet!)
So tell me… how do you view the things that your parents do to try to be helpful? What makes you want to talk to them and what makes you clam up? From your perspective, what can parents do that will help their kids become the HAPPY young adults with morals/values, etc, that we desperately want them to be? What are the things that you think are the hardest issues facing kids now? (Sexual awareness in gradeschool is the one making my hairs gray at the moment! Does that mean high school is going to be even worse?!) And what do you feel that your parents or other adults have done in your life that really haunts you as the absolutely wrong thing they could have done? (Because, for real, we parents–with a few losers who don’t care as exceptions–are desperately trying to do the right thing, and terrified that we are doing it all wrong! Shh… don’t let anyone know I let you in on that little secret.)
Thanks!
Hi Kristy!
First of all, thank you so much for your question and don’t worry, you don’t have to be a teenager to use our service. You’ve raised some great questions.
How do I view my parents’ attempts to be helpful? I usually feel pretty grateful that they’re trying to help me. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Sometimes though I want to do stuff by myself and if my parents try to help then it’s like they’re saying they don’t think I can handle it. I know they love me, though, so I usually don’t dwell on the negative.
What makes me clam up? I don’t like to argue with my Mom so if my Mom says something that hurts my feelings then I won’t defend myself. I’ve said more stupid things when I’m feeling hurt than I care to count so I just stop talking or I try to change the subject.
I think parents should love their kids unconditionally (or learn how to if they haven’t already) and just do their best to raise them up as good people. Plus, parents have gotta be leaders! You can’t expect your child to be better than you just because you wish it were so. If you want your children to become happy and honorable young adults then the best thing you can do for them is to show them by your own example. My last suggestion on that is that you try not to criticize your kids too much. Focus on the positive that they do; I love it when my parents give me SINCERE compliments.
What are the hardest issues facing teens? I think there is a lot of confusion about sexuality and gender. It seems like the church is trying a lot harder to teach youth about these issues, but the majority of the work needs to be done by parents. Parents have a responsibility to teach their kids about their changing bodies and the temptations that they might face. Something I love about my parents is that I feel like I can tell them about everything that goes on in my life and not be judged. I think that’s pretty awesome.
What have my parents done that’s haunted me? I can’t really think of a thing. My dad loses his temper kind of fast sometimes in my opinion, but then again so do I. I’ve never been abused or anything; I consider myself blessed. I do get mad at my parents, but usually I forget about it the next day or so. See, I know that my parents love me and they want what’s best for me and honestly, it’s hard to stay mad at them.
Does that help?