FAIR's Rising Generation

Noah, I’d like to start by thanking you for being here to interview yourself.

Thank you.

Okay. Here goes…. Noah. Hero? Legend? Superstar? Myth?

I assure you that I am only a ma…

I wasn’t finished. …Scoundrel? Fake? Fraud? Winebibber?

Now wait just a second, I’ve never had so much as a drop of…

Oh really? Remember that I’m actually you!

Oh, come on! You’re gonna bring that up!?

The people have a right to know.

You’re talking about that kid who threw a can of beer at me?

You tell me.

Halloween, 1996. It was an unopened can of beer; it sprayed all over me.

So you got hit with a can of beer so hard that it exploded.

No, stupid! It hit the sidewalk first. I shouldn’t have to tell you that.

But the PEOPLE have a right to know.

No they don’t! It was 14 years ago.

Whoa! How old are you?

Old enough to be your twin.

Be serious.

I’m 28, but I tell people I’m 27.

Did you immediately take a shower?

No.

Did you change your outfit?

No.

Did you talk to your bishop?

Yeah. I called him as soon as it happened.

Hey, don’t think I don’t know when you’re being sarcastic! Cuz I DO know. Remember?

Worthy of Sarcasmus.

Do you obey the Word of Wisdom?

You mean, other than being drenched in beer nearly 14 years ago?

What!? How old are you again!?

Gosh! I’m Twenty-seven!

Aren’t you a bit too old for FRG?

No. While FRG is geared towards a younger audience, it’s more your attitude and/or interests that determine whether you’d fit in here.

Preposterous!

No, really! I believe FRG really speaks to the heart as well as the intellect.

Why do you suppose that is?

To be honest, I really don’t know. I think it may have happened very organically, even accidentally.

Is it important that FRG remain this way? Even though it was only, as you suggest, an accident?

I do. I see FRG as more fun, more adventurous, more creative, more personal. It’s not just about apologetics, but being a Mormon, perhaps a young Mormon, in today’s world.

Apologetics? …What are you apologizing for?

Knock it off!

Well, I just don’t like the insinuation that the LDS Church has something it needs to apologize for.

Come on. Don’t be stupid. You don’t want me to walk out of here.

You can’t go anywhere without me. Just admit it, you’d be nowhere without me.

Grow up!

You grow up!

No, you grow up!

Get a job!

I have a job!

…

…

That was weird.

Yeah.

Hey, where are you going for lunch?

Carl’s Jr!

Wendy’s!

Argh! I hate it when that happens.

Dude! It’s no problem. First I’ll go to Wendy’s, then you can go to Carl’s. We’ll get drive-thru!

Dude, you’re awesome. That’s a great idea.

Shouldn’t we get back to the interview?

Right. What are some of your interests?

You mean like…turn ons and turn offs? …Wait! Wasn’t I the one asking the questions!

Gotcha! Haha!

Aw! You sly dog, you! You’re just so smart…and clever…and…sweet….

We should really get back to the interview though.

Whatever you say, you beautiful, amazing man. Interests?

You mean other than myself? Well, at first I didn’t like anything at all…except eating. Then I got older and started reading more.

Reading?

Yeah. I learned to read when I was like…six years old, but I didn’t really use it until I was well into my twenties.

What do you like to read?

I like religious studies but ultimately tend to look at things from a more sociological perspective.

That made…no sense.

I’m very interested in what religion has meant to the human family throughout the ages.

Do you think religion means the same thing to people now as it did thousands of years ago?

Yes and no. I think religion is very much about orientation, figuring out where we stand in relation to everything else. Of course, we never figure it out unless we have an anchor of sorts. That’s something I don’t think will ever

change.

Are you talking about God?

I think so. Because there are so many ways to observe something, but ultimately, we are forced to settle for the subjective experience.

But isn’t our concept of God also subjective? In fact, is there not a unique god-concept for every person living on this planet?

Probably. But as God reveals himself to us, we come to see ourselves more clearly in his light. To know God is to know ourselves and comprehend the world we live in.

So this idea of God is pretty important to you.

Absolutely, philosophically and religiously.

You began with ‘as God reveals himself’. Do you think religion evolves?

It’s more the case that people evolve. God reveals himself to man, but every man interprets that mystical experience differently. The God of the Old Testament certainly seems different than, say, the God of the New Testament or…my

Patriarchal Blessing.

You said “people evolve.” How literally do you mean that?

You mean do I think Adam was the first man who lived on the Earth?

Sure.

Frankly, I don’t know. I try to keep an open mind. I think dogmatism is poison to any religion, especially when that religion believes in continuing revelation. Do I think Adam was the first human? That depends on whether you think

Celestial Adam is the same as pre-Fall Adam, or whether pre-Fall Adam is the same as post-Fall Adam. There were certainly genetically human creatures on the Earth prior to 6000 years ago; was the human experience even remotely similar to

ours back then? What about society and warfare? Just how much did we have in common with prehistoric humans?

Uhh…thanks for that…I guess. Moving on…

Wait a second!

Hey! Who’s conducting this interview anyway?

You know, you’ve really got this…stupifying effect on me.

Stupifying!?

Yeah!

That hurts, bro. Really…hurts.

Man, I’m sorry.

…You really meant it that time.

…Yeah.

Ah! I just can’t stay angry at you. It’s that old charm of yours working its magic on me.

It isn’t as great as you might think; I’ve got no one to keep me out of trouble.

Hahahahaha

Ahahahahaha

We always laugh at the same things.

We are just so…connected.

So why apologetics? Why now? I mean, the world is going to end in 2012 anyway.

Well, I think people need God. I think people need to know who God is–to really try to build a relationship with him, find out what he wants–before they pass judgment on him.

So you think people would like God better if they got to know him?

Sure.

You make it sound so simple.

Not exacly. The book of Nephi talks about this Great and Abominable Church that digs a pit to trap all the people.

Oh, geez. Leave the Pope out of this, would ya?

The Great and Abomidable Church is…a Hegemony of Knowledge, but it can be found in different places at different times; it’s simply a matter of whether the ’shoe’ fits or not.

So you think this ‘Abominable Church’ changes?

Well, the principles are always the same, but that’s about it. You need to ask yourself where the current bases of power are; which ones have the ability and are most likely to threaten the ties between God and man.

So it isn’t the Catholic Church?

No. Maybe it was at one time, but things change.

Any theories as to who’s wearing the ’shoes’ now?

I’m not going to say here, because it tends to be a divisive issue. Let’s just say it should be obvious, but it isn’t to most people.

Do you think the God of Mormonism is the only true God?

No, but I think Mormonism can bring you closer to God than you’d otherwise get.

Noah, that’s all the time we have for today. I’d like to thank you once again for being here.

It was my pleasure.

Do you want to sing a duet before we wrap it?

Sure.

Great

A one…a two…a one, two, three…,

“It can’t be wrong
When it feels so right
‘Cause You
You light up my life”

G’nite, everybody! Happy 20th post, btw.

Yeah, it’s been great. Have a happy new year, too, everyone. G’nite!

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